


Thank god for Maine's marriage licence laws and friends that think it's funny to officiate your wedding

by Aupple (GiveUpResistance)



Series: Swan Queen Week Winter 2015 [3]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Arranged Marriage, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2018-03-09 09:16:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3244295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GiveUpResistance/pseuds/Aupple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Regina's mother informs her of the marriage that she has arranged, Regina decides that the best course of action is to go to the nearest bar and get a little drunk, spilling her guts to the cute bartender in the process.<br/>She doesn't expect to wake up married.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thank god for Maine's marriage licence laws and friends that think it's funny to officiate your wedding

**Author's Note:**

> My day 3 of swan queen week - arranged marriage.  
> I hope you all enjoy it!

“What the hell do you mean, I’m getting married?” Regina yelled.

“Do lower your voice, dear. One doesn’t let the servants hear one’s private business,” her mother reprimanded.

“Seeing as you have _arranged_ my _marriage_ , I don’t think anything is private anymore!” Regina continued to shout, letting out some of her anger.

“Oh, don’t be dramatic. It’s not a death sentence. It’s a business arrangement. The Blanchard and Mills family businesses finally unite.” Cora smiled at Regina proudly, as if this was supposed to make everything better.

“I am not going to marry some horrible old man, just so that you can get your hands on more cash!”

“Regina-”

“Besides,” she said furiously. “I’m completely, utterly, Kinsey six gay!”

She whirled in an impressive flurry of skirts and stormed out.

Cora Mills picked up her cup of tea and sipped delicately. “You really should listen, dear,” she said to the empty room.

 

Regina stormed into the nearest bar, despite the fact that it was barely noon. The room was fairly empty, holding only a few lone men. And the bartender. Who was really too pretty to be working in a bar, Regina decided, as the blonde poured her a shot of vodka.

She downed the shot as soon as it was placed in front of her, and asked for another garnering a raised eyebrow from the other woman. The second went as quickly as the first, and Regina let out a loud sigh.

The blonde leant down on the counter. “What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?” she asked, which admittedly brought a smile to her face. The bartender took a staggering step back as if hit. “Woah. I thought you were good looking before, but when you smile, it’s deadly.”

The idiotic line made Regina laugh (and feel slightly better, though she’d never tell) and she relaxed in her seat.

“Seriously,” the woman said. “What’s up? You seem pretty gloomy.”

Regina groaned. “My mother has arranged a marriage for me.”

“Jeez.” The bartender poured another shot and slid it in front of her. “This one’s on the house. You need it.”

“Thanks, uh-”

“Emma,” the blonde said. “And you’re?”

“Regina.”

“That’s a pretty name, Regina, though not half as pretty as you,” Emma said, making a show out of winking at her. “That’s totally antiquated of your mom, though. What century does she think this is? The eighteenth?”

“I know,” Regina said morosely. “I depend on her for income, though, because I’m researching the history of Central America and there’s not much pay in that right now.”

Emma grimaced. “That seriously sucks.”

She caught the eye of someone of Regina’s shoulder and she turned to see a guy about her age approach the bar.

“Oi, Aug, now that you’re here I’m going to take off, okay?”

“You’re leaving?” Regina asked, inexplicably saddened.

“Well, I was going to ask if you wanted to come to my place, we can drink crap wine and complain about family.”

“Sounds good.” It really did, especially, when Emma pulled her from the barstool with one hand and continued to hold it as they left the bar.

 

“And she realised that I was hesitant about business so she pushed me to ‘do what my heart desired’ and now I’m totally dependent on her.”

“No offence,” Emma said, pointing one wavering finger at Regina, “But she sounds like a bitch.”

“She is.” Regina nodded sagely. “Total bitch.”

“Maybe it’s better that I don’t have a mom,” Emma wondered, pouring more wine into her glass, accidentally sloshing some over the side. “Augie’s my foster bro, he’s not to bad, but Mar-Mar is kind of annoying. She’s my cousin,” she said at Regina’s questioning look. “She’s like, _good_. I always feel like a screw up around her. But her name’s really long, and mine’s short and nice, so I’ve got her beat on that.”

“Emma is nice.”

“Yeah.” She grinned. “Emmmmmmmm-maaaaaaa”

 

“You’re, like, the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen,” Emma said, and Regina blushed. “You’ve got the softest, loveliest skin, and your eyes are incredible and your lips…” Emma fell silent.

“My lips?”

“Sorry, I just super wanted to kiss them.”

Regina grabbed Emma’s cheeks and kissed her soundly.

 

“Maybe you should just get married,” Emma said, punctuating each word with a kiss down Regina’s belly.

“I don’t know anyone I want to marry.”

“Good point.”

 

“I do.”

“I do.”

Regina lurched into Emma’s arms and kissed her for the millionth, not billionth time that day. She was going to kiss her forever and ever and ever.

 

There was sunlight on Regina’s face and she could feel it burning through her eyelids. Her head hurt like hell too, and there was a dead weight across her torso.

She turned away from the accursed sun, only to roll right into something.

The something groaned and the weight on her torso shifted away.

The something was a _someone_.

Regina cracked her eyes open one by one and was greeted with the sight messy blonde curls. Sitting up, she realised that she was looking down at the bartender from the day before. Emma.

At least neither of them were naked. Not that Regina had anything against sleeping with the woman, who, from what she could remember, was nice as well as hot, but she’d prefer if she could actually _remember_ it.

And she couldn’t remember very much.

Just…

A flash of memory prompted her to look down at her left hand, and there it was; a thin gold band on her second-to-last finger. A wedding ring. She brought her hand up, to more closely examine the ring, and fell back onto the bed, having forgotten that it was that hand holding her up.

Oops.

Emma stirred, stretching out her arms and yawning, her eyes still closed. Regina had to admit that it was kind of fascinating to watch her wake, blink rapidly as if trying to get herself out of sleep.

“Hey,” Emma said upon spotting her, and attempt a slow smile, only to clutch at her head and groan.

Heh.

Regina pushed herself to sit up properly, and waved her hand in Emma’s face. “I think that we may have drunk a _little_ too much yesterday.

Emma sat up, smacking her face on Regina’s hand and staring at her own. “Holy shit,” she said eventually. “Did we get married?”

Regina rolled her eyes. “It would appear so.” She slid her legs off the bed and stood, looking for her clothes.

A low whistle sounded behind her. “You have an amazing ass.”

She wasn’t sure whether or not to be glad that she’s wearing panties. At least thinking about that stopped her from freaking out about the fact that she had just married a complete stranger. A hot stranger, but a stranger all the same.

Her mother was going to be so pissed.

Regina didn’t realise that she had been standing there, smiling ridiculously as she imagined her mother raging but unable to actually do anything, for who knows how long until Emma waved her arms around in front of her.

“Earth to Regina.”

“What?”

“I asked if you wanted something for breakfast.”

Regina’s stomach roiled at the thought. “No thanks.”

“Fair enough. Coffee, though?”

“Ooooh, yes.”

Emma, now in a large shirt, disappeared into the corridor, and Regina realised that she should probably continue getting dressed.

She walked into the kitchen a few minutes later, and was never so grateful for coffee as that moment when Emma pressed a mug into her hand.

“So,” Emma said, after they’d both drunk a decent amount of coffee. “What are we going to do about this?” She waggled her fingers.

“Well, I have a friend who’s a lawyer, do I can talk to her.”

“Alright” Emma looked down at her coffee. “Seeing as we are hitched for the moment, though, would you like to have dinner?”

“Are you asking me out on a date?” Regina asked.

“Yeah.” Emma’s blue-grey eyes stared her down, and Regina found a smile spreading across her lips.

“Why not.” Her bag was sitting on the nearby counter, so it took barely a minute to find her phone and pull up a new contact before passing it to Emma, and taking hers in return.

“Should I put my number under ‘wifey’ or Emma Swan? Wait- do I still have my last name? How does that work?”

Emma was her wife. Her _wife_. “I’m not sure,” Regina admitted. As she took her phone back, it began to vibrate, and a picture of her mother appeared. “Oh no.”

“What is it?”

“My mother’s calling.” She declined the call and picked up her bag. “I should get going.”

“Okay. Um, I’ll call you and we can organise something?”

Regina nodded and followed Emma to the door. “Goodbye.”

“Wait,” Emma said, before she could close the door, and caught her wrist, tugging her close so that she could take her cheeks in both hands and kiss her tenderly. “Okay. Now we’re good.”

 

Walking down the stairs, Regina took her phone out once more and dialled her best friend.

“What’s up?” Kathryn asked.

Regina winced. “Well, I think I may have got married yesterday?”

She expected her best friend to make some sort of disbelieving exclamation and ask her what happened. Instead she cackled. An honest-to-god, evil witch style cackle. “I know,” Kathryn said. “I officiated.”

“What?” Regina yelled into the phone, immediately regretting it as her headache flared. “What?” she repeated, quieter. “What do you mean, you officiated?”

“I mean that I listened to your soppy vows and watched you make out while I signed the marriage certificate. Which I have, by the way. I didn’t think I could trust you two with it.”

“But why?”

“Because you were drunk off your asses and you would totally lose it?”

It took Regina a moment to realise that Kathryn was still talking about the certificate. “No, I mean why on earth did you marry us if we were so obviously drunk?”

Kathryn sighed. “Because a, your mother arranged a marriage for you and this will totally piss her off, and b, your wife is _so_ cute. You need someone nice in your life.”

“You’re insane.”

“Probably,” Kathryn sang through the phone. “Anyway, call once you’ve told your mother. Better yet, call me just _before_ you tell your mother and keep it running so that I can hear. And bring Emma over for dinner!”

Regina hung up. What horrible thing did she do to deserve Kathryn?

 

Emma lay on her bed in a daze. She was fricking _married_.

To a hot lady who was probably going to divorce her or annul it or whatever by the sound of things.

But still, she was married.

So _weird_.

 

Regina hadn’t mentioned to her mother yet about the marriage. It was something that could wait, at least for a little while, until she discovered whether she and Emma get on.

Which, they did, so far, anyway. Their date had gone well, even if Emma had kept making jokes about being married and being a little bit of an idiot in general. She was genuinely kind and funny, and that was enough to get Regina looking forward to their next date.

As if Emma had known that Regina was thinking about her, a text message notification popped up on her phone.

_\- my cousin just told me that her Dad set up a blind date for me even though they know that I’m seeing someone >:(_

That made Regina laugh, even just a little.

_\- Oh, yeah? Who are you seeing?_

Her phone buzzed again a moment later.

_\- Well I didn’t think you’d want me to tell my family that we’re married so dating seemed the best explanation otherwise they might think you put a curse on me or something lol_

_\- Is that the kind of thing that would happen to you in a world with magic, Miss Swan?_

_\- That’s_ Mrs _Swan to you, or maybe Mrs Swan-Mills. Mills-Swan. Nah, that just ends up being like millswan. How does the name thing work, did you find out?_

_\- We keep our own surnames unless we change them legally. Which I am NOT doing. I like my name._

_\- Fair enough. I’m kind of used to my name, too. Emma Mills sounds weird._

Besides, they were probably going to get divorced. Regina had certainly never intended to get married to a stranger.

_\- So you’re okay with me going on this blind date to appease my uncle?_

_\- Why wouldn’t I be?_

She decided that that was probably a bit harsh, and it did kind of grate her a little to think of her _wife_ going on a date.

_\- If you want I can show up and join you until they get the picture._

Regina definitely wasn’t happy when Emma agreed to the scheme with several smiley face emoticons. Not at all. Not in any possible, and Kathryn needed to stop smirking at her whenever she smiled at her phone.

 

“Where are we going?” Regina asked suspiciously as the driver took them past her mother’s house.

“Out to lunch, my dear.”

“And why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you would act like this, darling. Your attitude to the subject last time I brought up your marriage-”

“I am not going to get married to someone that you order me to! I will not be part of some- some business transaction.”

“You’re being dramatic again.”

“I’m seeing someone, mother! In fact, I’m married.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Cora said. “I would know. Now, this is just a get-to-know-you lunch. I’m not a monster.”

“Could have fooled me,” Regina muttered, but her mother glared at her and she subsided. At least she could text Emma.

She pulled out her phone, but her mother took it from her and stowed in her handbag. “At least be polite.”

 

Emma was browsing through Netflix when Mary Margaret let herself into her apartment.

“Why aren’t you dressed yet?”

Emma looked down at herself. “I am dressed?”

“But you have that date! I know it’s a set up, but it’s at a fancy restaurant, so it’d probably be best if you dressed up a little…” Her cousin set her hands on her hips and looked at Emma disapprovingly. “You forgot, didn’t you.”

“I thought it was next week!” She honestly had, too. And now she had to let Regina know that it was today instead.

She let Mary Margaret hustle her into the bedroom to get changed and fix her hair a little bit, but in a spare moment she tried calling Regina.

No answer.

And she got the same result every time she called or texted on her way to the meeting place.

She was probably just busy.

 

“I hope you realise that I’m going to spend the entire lunch talking about how wonderful my girlfriend is,” Regina told her mother, furious that she had to do this at all.

“I said polite, dear.”

“Well, it’s not very polite for them to be late, is it? The sooner this begins, the sooner it can end.”

“If I have to repeat myself-”

Regina never got to hear what her mother was going to threaten, because at that moment they heard a man say her mother’s name and they turned to greet the party that had just entered the foyer.

Or rather, her mother did.

Regina turned and saw a very familiar blonde.

“Emma?”

“Regina!” The other woman beamed and strode over, embracing her gratefully.

Once at arms lengths again, Regina looked her up and down, examining every inch of the dark pink dress that Emma was dressed in. “You look… Wow.”

“Thanks,” Emma said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear bashfully. “My cousin made me wear it for my stupid blind… date…”

Her eyes widened in realisation, and Regina caught on immediately.

“You guys know each other?” the tiny brunette woman behind Emma asked.

“Regina, I think that you’re my blind date.”

“Oh my god.”

“And I’m…” Emma suddenly doubled over, snorting rather unattractively, if anything about Emma could be called unattractive.

“I’m supposed to be-” Regina couldn’t help but join in the laughter, as ridiculous as it all was. “Marrying you!”

**Author's Note:**

> I still can't end things, I'm so sorry.


End file.
